Tag:Knee-jerk Paranoia Moron Investors
Posted on: December 4, 2008 12:37 am

Fundamentals of Knee-jerk Idiocy Are Strong

Entries like this are the reason for this Blog's title. The economy sucks, and it's not about sports (although it is absolutely affecting teams' and leagues' bottom lines). I put this in the "fantasy" category for two reasons: (1) It made me pick a category (there are only sports-related ones to choose from), and (2) It actually is a fantasy of mine that people will learn how to invest responsibly. And for my last relatively unnecessary precursor, I know this is somewhat of an oversimplification. But I also think it's accurate. (Or I wouldn't have written it. Duh.)

To paraphrase John McCain, circa August 2008, the fundamentals of the knee-jerk idiocy of the investor-at-large in this country are strong.

I am not an economic scholar. I am not even an economics student. But I know one thing very well -- if millions of paranoid, fright-train-riding investors simultaneously dump their shares onto the market, it is NOT good for the economy. That is essentially what happened Monday, December 1, 2008, when the DOW plunged 680 points.

Merry F-ing Christmas.

I can understand dumping certain stocks. If I had Ford stock right now, I would probably use it as wallpaper. But guys like me dumping shares of stock in singular companies does not cause the pandemonial (just made that word up) shock that occured Monday. What does? The actions of Monkeys who don't know how to invest. Here's the procedure:

1. Speculators (whom I believe to be, besides Al Qaeda and like-terrorists, and Ken Phelps-esque "religious" figures [google him], the worst people on Earth) generally agree on something that is of little if any future consequence. (In this case, it was that a recession began about a year ago.)

2. Speculation leads to fears that stocks will suffer.

3. Monkeys have heard enough, and flush every share they own onto the open market.

4. The market plummets.

It's relatively simple, and ridiculously simple-minded of investors to allow it to happen.

Here's an idea: Diversify your portfolio -- ancillarily, don't invest based on Jim Cramer's buy-sell tips -- and have faith that (a) the market will eventually bounce back, and (b) your actions are even somewhat patriotic (e.g. you're not helping to cause the problem). That, or just don't invest in the first place -- leave it to people who actually have the wherewithal to ride the storm out.

Thanks, and have a lovely Christmas-spending season.

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com