Tag:Dallas Cowboys
Posted on: December 9, 2008 6:36 pm

Jerry Jones is Frightening

I mean this in two senses.

First, since he's had about 80 excursions into the wild world of facially oriented plastic surgery this decade, he's frightening to look at. His skin could be made out of plexiglas for all I can tell. In all likelihood, he's actually wearing someone else's face -- give him a chainsaw and he's a horror movie character. (I guess anyone could be a horror movie star if you give him a chainsaw...)

But more importantly, he's frighteningly classless. (Note that he's always been classless to a degree. Just not to this degree.)

Owners have no place questioning players' toughness. That's the coach's job. And that's behind closed doors.

But Jerry Jones not only called out Marion Barber for lacking toughness -- he called him out to the friggin media. Are you kidding me? Can someone rip this man's fake face off please?

There are two huge problems with this conduct: (1) Who the hell is Jerry Jones to call into question anyone's toughness? (2) What basis does he have for questioning Barber's? ((1)  is impossible to get past -- Jerry Jones is a cupcake. End of story.)

As for (1), let's look at who Jerry Jones is. He last played organized tackle football 40+ years ago. (He played OL in college, and never played pro.) He is 66 years old, and, as mentioned above, he is essentially made of synthetic fibers. So while he might be impossible to break, odds are at the first hint of contact, he'd at least require another dose of plastic surgery.

As for (2), let's look at who Marion Barber is. He is arguably the toughest player on that team. (The only other argument would be for Roy Williams, the safety, and I'll take Barber in that matchup.) He runs harder than anyone in the NFL, except for possibly Brandon Jacobs. He has averaged 24+ touches a game in his first full season in the NFL. He essentially single-handedly stomped out one of the better defenses in the NFL (Washington). So if he says he can't play, it's probably safe to say he can't play.

Not only that, but Wade Phillips has said the medical staff, not Barber himself, kept him out of the game.

Not only that, but was the running game the reason why the Cowboys lost? Choice ran for more yards than anyone else has against the Steelers. He was effective as a change of pace. I believe it was Tony Romo who gave the ball away 4 times -- maybe that's why the Cowboys lost.

No matter what, Jerry Jones is officially the most classless man in the NFL as of this moment.

Congrats on finally topping Al Davis -- must be a dream come true.

Now shut your plastic mouth.

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